


Don't End On A Slammed Door

by sparksearcher



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Making Up, Post-Episode: s08e07 Kill the Moon, Pre-Episode: s08e08 Mummy on the Orient Express, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 06:13:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3967462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparksearcher/pseuds/sparksearcher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A conversation with her grandmother leads Clara to ring up the Doctor for their last hurrah.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't End On A Slammed Door

You can never finish with anyone while they can still make you angry.  Tell him when you're calm, and then tell me.

 

Danny's words about the Doctor had been echoing through Clara's mind for the last four weeks, ever since the day she told him to clear off and not come back.  She was still so angry that he just left her there on the moon.  Now that she had a little bit of time to cool off, she knew it wasn't that he made her make the decision that made her so outraged; it was that he took off and left her there.  She would have been annoyed if he stayed and refused to give his input, but at least then he would have been there for her.  Like she had been there for him when he had the option to burn Gallifrey with the Moment and found a different way instead.

 

Clara sighed heavily.  She hadn't talked to him since that day.  Once or twice that same day she considered calling to yell at him some more, but she held back.

 

You know, it's funny how much someone can invade your life without you even knowing, until they're not there anymore.  That first Wednesday she had looked for the TARDIS everywhere she went.  She wasn't ready to forgive him yet, but she still looked.  She didn't even recognize that's what she was doing until Danny quietly pointed it out over dinner.  Clara quickly pushed her plate away, appetite suddenly gone.  The next day she went grocery shopping and purchased the Doctor's favorite yogurt and coffee without thinking twice; when she was making her list she noticed she was almost out of both.  It wasn't until she was putting the groceries away that she realized what she did.  Three weeks later, and the new coffee and yogurt were still in her kitchen.  She should probably throw the yogurt away actually.  Her fridge was starting to smell off.  She sighed again.

 

"Clara?  Is everything okay?"

 

She quickly looked up from her plate.  She wasn't eating her food anyway, just pushing it around with her fork.  "Yes, Gran."  She smiled at the older woman.  "Just lost in thought."

 

Her grandmother watched her quietly for a moment.  "Did something happen with Danny?  You seem so sad."

 

Clara shook her head.  "Danny and I are great.  Couldn't be better."

 

Gran stared at her pointedly and waited.

 

"I had a falling out with a friend.  Something just made me think of him.  That's all."  She gave her grandmother a smile, but it didn't reach her eyes.

 

"What did you have a falling out about?"

 

"We had a fight.  We've fought before, but never anything like this."  Clara hesitated.  "I feel bad about the things I said when I was angry.  Not regret because he needs to understand that he can't treat people the way he did, but I think I'm sad about the way it came about."  She exhaled through her nose, and her lips quirked into a half-smile.

 

Gran reached across the table and took Clara's hand.  "Would you like some advice?"

 

She nodded.

 

"Don't end things on a slammed door.  Some day you're going to try to make up with your friend, and it's going to be too late."  The older woman's eyes were bright.

 

"Gran?"

 

"Your grandfather and I had a big fight one night, and I told him to get out of our house.  I was mad, and I just couldn't bear to look at him when I was that angry.  He went down to the local pub for a couple drinks.  I stayed up until after it closed, and he never came home.  I thought maybe he went home with one of his friends and would come home in the morning."  She sniffed, and her shoulders started shaking.  "Clara, your grandfather died in a bar fight that night, and the last thing I said to him was that I never wanted to see him again."  Her voice cracked as she broke down.

 

Clara's eyes widened, and she quickly left her chair to stoop next to her grandmother.  "Gran…"  She wrapped her arms around the older woman, not knowing what to say.  They stayed that way, granddaughter soothing grandmother until Gran's breathing slowed and her sobs became occasional hiccups.

 

Gran pulled back to look at Clara.  "Don't make the same mistakes I did.  Make up with your friend.  If you still want to part ways, that's fine, but do it on amiable terms.  Please."

 

Clara nodded.  "I'll call him soon."

 

She shook her head.  "Not 'soon'.  Today.  I want you to call him when you leave here."

 

"Yes, Gran."

 

* * *

  

Clara paced her apartment with her phone in hand, staring at his name on her contacts list.  'C'mon, Oswald, you can do it.  Just hit the call button.'  She hit call, then quickly hung up after the first ring, slamming her phone down on the kitchen counter.  'Seriously?  Is that the best you can do for the man that used to be your best friend?  Who probably still is your best friend?' she mocked herself.  She picked her phone up again, determined to stay on the line until he picked up.

 

One, two, three rings.

 

Four, fix, six rings.

 

Okay, no big deal.  He's never been particularly timely in answering his phone.  Plus, the TARDIS is an infinite ship.  If he wasn't in the console room, it would take him a while to get to the phone.  Clara continued to count the rings, her heart sinking the longer it went on.

 

Finally, the twelfth ring cut short.  "Hello?"  She could hear him tinkering with something in the background.

 

Clara's breath caught in her throat.  She hadn't realized how much she missed his Scottish accent.  She opened her mouth, but all that came out was a squeak.

 

"Is someone there?  Look, I don't know where you got this number, but I don't have time to play games."  He sounded agitated, with an edge of exhaustion to his voice.

 

Clara coughed and tried again.  "Doctor?"

 

"Clara?"  He sounded unsure but hopeful.

 

God, she had forgotten how wonderful her name sounded when he said it.  She smiled despite herself.  "Yeah.  Yeah, it's me.  Listen, can you swing by my flat when you have some time?"

 

Was he hesitating or did the call drop?  Clara checked the display screen.  The timer was still counting, so they were still connected.  "Doctor?"

 

"You told me to go a long way away," he said softly.

 

Clara rested her head against the frame of the doorway.  "I know what I said.  But now I'm asking you to come back.  If you want to, that is."

 

"Are you going to smack me so hard I regenerate after all?"

 

"No.  I actually want to apologize for that."

 

More tinkering.  Followed by a pop, a hiss of pain, and the phone clattering to the floor.  "Sorry, electrocuted myself a bit."  There was a whoosh of air, like him blowing on something.  "I guess I could pop over for a little," he said distractedly.

 

The pain in Clara's chest eased a little.  "Okay, great.  See you soon."

 

"Soon," he agreed.  "Or later."  The Doctor hung up first.

 

The sound of the TARDIS materializing reached Clara's ears, and she went to the living room to meet him… only to find it empty.  "Doctor?"  She was just in the kitchen, so she knew he wasn't there.  Clara checked the hallway, bedroom, and bathroom.  All empty as well.  She walked out to the balcony and looked down.

 

There was the big blue box she loved so much, down on the lawn.  The Doctor stood outside, locked it up, and then looked towards the building.  Clara nervously raised in arm in greeting, and he gave her a small wave back before heading towards the front door.  Clara raced to her front door to buzz him in, then ran down the stairs to meet him halfway.  He briefly looked surprised to see her on the landing before schooling his features behind a mask.  "Hello," he greeted politely.

 

"Hey."  The chest pain was back.  She pointed at the stairs behind him.  "You didn't want to talk in the TARDIS?"

 

He shrugged.  "Thought you might want to do this here."  He gestured at the stairs leading up.  "Shall we?"

 

Clara nodded, and they slowly climbed the stairs, an awkward silence settling over them.  They didn't speak again until they were in Clara's flat.  She sat on the couch, but the Doctor remained standing.  He took a moment to look around, see what had changed since the last time he had been there.  Not much, honestly.  Clara always chastised him for leaving random bits of junk around her flat, stating she would through them out if he didn't pick up after himself.  A couple sleepless nights during the last month Clara had gathered all the junk up, but instead of tossing it out, she held them tightly and wondered what he was up to, what kind of amazing things he was seeing without her.

 

The Doctor finished his inspection of her living room and analyzed her instead.  "You look well."

 

Clara narrowed her eyes in suspicion at the pleasantries, but decided to play along.  "You look-"  She was about to tell him he also looked well, and then she actually got a good look at him.  He was paler than normal and had dark circles under his eyes.  He moved away when he noticed her staring, as if putting more distance between them would keep her from making observations.  "You look like hell," she said honestly.

 

Another shrug.  "Haven't slept much.  Been busy."  He crossed his arms over his chest and tried to act nonchalant.  "What did you want to talk about?"

 

"In a minute.  What have you been doing that's been keeping you up?"  She worried at her fingernails with her teeth.

 

He copied the gesture and refused to meet her eyes.  "A thing came up.  It's kept me occupied for the last year or so." 

 

"Year?!  How long has it been since you last saw me?"

 

He did some quick calculations in his head.  "About eighteen months, I think."

 

"Eighteen months?  And you didn't call or drop by or anything?"  She wasn't sure why that information stung.

 

"I wasn't wanted here," he said simply.  "Clara, I wasn't going to stop by just to have the door slammed in my face."

 

"I wouldn't have slammed the door on you," Clara insisted.  The Doctor snorted in disbelief.  "No, really!  I needed some time to cool down, but I've missed you."

 

He looked at her hard for a moment, judging the truthfulness of her words, before turning away again.  "So what did you want to talk about?" he asked again, finally moving to sit near her on the couch, careful to put as much space between them as he could while still sharing the same piece of furniture.

 

She moved a little closer.  "The last time we saw each other."

 

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  "Clara, I'm sorry about what happened on the moon.  Sort of.  I'm not sorry for leaving the choice up to you, but I am sorry for leaving you there alone without any explanation.  I realize now that I should have discussed with you what was going on."  He reached out and gently rested his hand on hers.  "I'm sorry for scaring you."

 

Clara nodded.  "I didn't think you were coming back.  I thought you left me up there to die."

 

"Clara, I would never leave you to die alone like that.  I swear I was monitoring the situation from the TARDIS, and I was going to come back for you, no matter what you decided."  He looked at her earnestly and squeezed her hand.

 

She looked at him carefully and nodded again.  "I believe you.  But at the time, I was so frightened, and I have never felt more alone.  I'm sorry for how I went off on you and for threatening to hit you."  She leaned over and pulled him into a hug.  "This whole thing made me realize how much I value our friendship-"

 

"I do too," the Doctor interrupted.  He flashed her a bright smile.  "So now that that's settled-"

 

Clara cut him off this time, shaking her head.  "Doctor, let me finish.  I care about having you as my friend.  That's why I can't travel with you anymore."

 

He looked crestfallen.  "But, I thought we just made up?"

 

"We did."  She tried to squeeze his shoulders in reassurance, but he slipped out of her grasp.

 

"Then why don't you want to go with me?"  He looked so much like that lonely little boy in the barn that Clara's heart ached in her chest.  "You called me just to say you weren't going to come with me anymore?"

 

"It's not like that.  I didn't want us to be fighting anymore.  But I need to walk away so we don't have a fight like that again."  She gave him a sad smile.  "We both know I can't go with you forever, yeah?"

 

The Doctor stared at his shoes in silence for a while before nodding.  "Clara?"

 

"Hmm?"

 

"Can we take one last trip?  A happy one, a good one to go out on?  We could do something relaxing."

 

Tears welled up in her eyes.  "That sounds like a great idea."  She stood and held out her hand to help him up.  "Let's go now."

 

Solemnly they left her flat and walked down to the TARDIS.  The lights flickered brightly when Clara stepped on board.  "I missed you too, you old cow," she said affectionately, tracing her hand along the console.  She glanced around the console room curiously to see how it would have changed in 18 months of Doctor-time.  The blackboards had even more nonsense than usual scribbled across them.  He had abandoned books all over the stairs and jump seat, and his arm chair had a couple of plaid woven blankets on it.  Clara wondered about those considering the Doctor said he hadn't been doing much sleeping.  Maybe because he was trying to sleep in the chair instead of his bed?  She turned around to see the Doctor watching her from the doorway.  "So, where did you have in mind?"

 

"How does the Orient Express sound?" he asked hopefully.

 

Clara smiled brightly.  "Sounds wonderful."

 

"Okay, great.  The TARDIS should leave you some appropriate costume choices in your room."  The Doctor typed in the coordinates and pulled the lever.  He glanced over at her.  "You're still here?  Go get changed!"  He shooed her away with a flick of his wrist.

 

She rolled her eyes at his impatience but headed to the corridor all the same.

 

"Clara?"

 

"Yeah?"  She stopped and turned back to look at him.

 

"Why did you really call me?"

 

She debated how much to tell him before decided on most of the truth.  "My Gran told me a story about a fight she had with someone, and she didn't get the chance to make up with them.  It's been a long time since then, and she still regrets the last thing she said to them.  I realized I didn't want to risk us leaving things unsaid because I was angry, you know?  Plus I really did miss you."  She started walking away again.

 

"Clara?"

 

"Yeah?"  She looked over her shoulder.

 

The Doctor was smiling shyly.  "I missed you too."

 

* * *

  

They were back on the TARDIS after the Doctor stopped the Foretold and rescued everyone on the train.  Clara's phone rang, and she spoke to Danny in a low voice.  "Listen, I can't talk now, but I'll see you soon, and um…"  She paused, thinking about what her Gran had said, her regrets over her last words to her husband being things she said in anger.  Clara knew she had to say how she felt about the Doctor, even if he wasn't looking at her and thought she was talking to Danny.  Maybe especially because of those things.  At least this way he wouldn't have to reject her.  She raised her voice and spoke deliberately.  "I love you."


End file.
